Blogging is hard work. Good blogging, the kind that inspires you, makes you laugh and think and cultivates an authentic connection with a complete stranger is even harder. I wanted to be a good blogger. And for a long time, I knew that I was at best average. I didn’t post. When I did, I half heartedly wrote about things that as I wrote them, made me feel vapid. After a while, I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t help but feel it was all in vain, AND in fact vain.
1. I couldn’t commit.
I had a lot going on. I was planning a wedding, looking for a job, getting married, traveling for a said new job. Sure, all things I could have blogged about, but I just couldn’t. I got busy and used my busyness as an excuse to blow if off. It takes a lot of work to think of a concept, plan it out, write…but don’t just write anything- be interesting. Double check spelling, photoshop, crop, mull, hate yourself. Compare, mull. Finally, post. The payoff was empty. I defined payoff as: recognition, free stuff from companies, likes, shares, comments, interviews, features, etc. I chased it. I think I wanted the idea of a blogger more than I wanted to just write and share. I wanted the payoff like yesterday. After weighing the amount of work for each post I thought, this sucks. My goals were jacked some would say. They would be right. So, I quit.
2. Fashion and style made me feel shallow and selfish.
I kinda laugh at this now. When I think how shallow and self-involved this made me feel. I am just NOT cut out to talk about boots, and jeans, and the latest blah blah blah to wear. This isn’t me. I could care less. How fake I felt. Just something about a woman talking about clothes EVERYDAY seems very empty. Honestly, if you were to ever really have a conversation with me, clothes would be the LAST thing we talked about. Can I not be deeper than material? I hope to be. I could no longer pretend and contribute to this over saturated genre. I was sick of taking photos of myself. I looked at my blog and I thought, I wouldn’t really want to be friends with this girl. I
hate stray away from women who only care about money, material, where they live, who they know, and where they’ve traveled. I was starting to become that very woman. So, I quit.
3. I wanted to do more
We live in a world with big issues. I want to be able to talk about that. I have a real life outside of my closet. I want to talk about that. I have struggles, victories, fears, and hopes. I have a real sense of humor. I think I could make you laugh. We’ll see. I tried cooking. It’s umm… we’ll talk about that too. I LOVE God. I want to be able to share my faith. I got married. I’m learning. I am grown woman. A millennial. A struggling saver. A Feminist. I LOVE to travel. If I could be Anthony Bourdain, my whole life…. my whole life! 🙂 A slight STAN for a short list of TV shows. I can’t really play soccer and I suck at video games.
All things I can’t wait to share you with. THUS, I’m starting to feel the blogging bug again.
A very special few of you who once knew me know that I used to blog under a completely different name in college. I liked that girl. She’s grown up now. Smart. Witty. Challenging. Disgruntled. Trying to be content. I’d like you to meet her. If you will have me, I’m back.