When Other People Win

IMG_4967It sucks when other people win. Come on. It sucks. It’s hard to be happy for other people when you aren’t happy. It takes a serious amount of maturity and humility and strength to not only not be a sore loser but actively celebrate other people’s victories. Don’t nobody wanna do that.

But I did. I learned to and you can too.

At one time in my life, I was a huge loser. BIG. Or so I thought. Really, thinking you are a loser is nearly all it takes to be a loser. And at that very same time in my life everyone around me was a winner. Practically everyone I knew had great jobs, great friendships with attractive smart people, great big bank accounts to supply their great wants, lavish vacations, delicious meals,  amazing and healthy bodies.

I was… how to put this? How do I describe the feeling? Hmm, jealous seems accurate but also sad and maybe a little angry. I tried to be happy for them. I found myself frozen in shock that yet another great thing had happened for them. Still while frozen, my lips made movements and I heard sounds come out of my mouth. High pitched at the end like “I’m so HAPPY. FOR. YOU. WOW. SO COOL.” Staccato, so they actually believed it. Deep inside, who am I kidding, not so deep inside, I was not happy for them. I was sad for me. See, to me, at that time, other people’s wins were my losses. I felt myself move down the pole each time someone had good news. All their good news was my bad news. A reminder that my life wasn’t as good as theirs.

I was incredibly self-interested. I only thought about myself. If I wasn’t getting good news then nobody should.

One day, on my long drive to work, I was praying complaining to God. I was led to the scripture Romans 12:15. “Rejoice with those who Rejoice.” Seems silly that God would ask me to not just be happy for other people but to REJOICE??? What?! Do you know what rejoice means? For me, it meant I needed to get over myself. It was really hard. I was learning this lesson, not as a person who was winning, but as a person who was a loser. It felt like punishment at first. After a while, I think I really understood that in order to be happy for others you really don’t need to be in the equation. Whether your life is amazing or not amazing is irrelevant because if you have to be perfectly happy with your life to celebrate and feel joy deep inside you when someone else is rejoicing then you likely won’t ever be able to rejoice. Life isn’t perfect. Not for anyone. And I made the mistake of simplifying life to wins and losses.

Don’t do this to yourself. Learn from my mistakes. There are times I wish I could go back and honestly be happy for the people around me. I am making up for that now. I’m not a loser anymore. That was just an ugly POV that I held. One that kept me down and not able to celebrate the wins of other people. I’m strong, humble and mature and if you call me and tell me you just one the lottery, girl I will REJOICE with you.

To all my friends and family that may have gotten a half-hearted “Yay for you.” I’m sorry. Let’s celebrate for real.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Really honest post. Great read.

    1. nchanel says:

      Thank you so much !

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